Meet Mrs. Havemeier, Fruit Bearing Tree

Her arms are so full of leaves and baby tangerines!
Look delicious? Think again.
The fruit will not be be ready for a couple months yet.

Recently, I asked Mrs. Havemeier, who insisted I call her Elsa, if she would object to me picking and consuming the tangerines once they were mature. Our conversation follows:

Elsa: Nein!

Me: Oh. So you speak German.

Elsa: Ja. Ich spreche mehrere Sprachen.

Me: You are a fancy tree. You don't happen to speak English...

Elsa: Ziemlich!

Me: Which means...what exactly?

Elsa: I will speak with you English.

Me: Okay, great. So then you don't object if I eat your tangerines in March?

Elsa: No, no. I grow them for animals to eat. You are animal, no?

Me: Yeah, I am. I'm not like, (making claw hands) Grraouw! (laughing) I'm not a Wild Beastie! (more claws) Rrrearw!

Elsa: You think you're funny?

Me: Me? Yeah, no. No.

Elsa: Mm-hmm.

Me: I hear that sometimes, during scientific experimentation, I've read this somewhere but I don't remember where, that when scientists play music for plants they grow really well and I was thinking that if I played music or sang to you or something like that, that you'd be really happy and the tangerines would become the most nectareous you have produced to date.

Elsa: You want to sing to me?

Me: Sure--if it will make you happy.

Elsa: There are names for people who sing to trees. If you sing to me, people will talk.

Me: Yes, but we will have the last laugh when the fruit of our labors is the SWEETEST EVER!

To be continued...