Crack Or Cleavage? What could it be?

The correct answer has not been guessed. Therefore, no prizes have been awarded at this time. Do you need some inspiration?


You can win a Thomas the Train Engine cake! Made especially for you, by me, out of real butter and sugar and food coloring.





You can win a pony! Made especially for you, by Jesus, out of real pony meat and hair.






To win these fabulous prizes, just make a guess in the comment section. Don't be shy. There are no wrong answers...only answers that aren't correct.

For Erin

Oh Gosh, It Hurts...It Hurts So Good

David Hasselhoff

Crack Or Cleavage?

This is the name of a favorite bar game I like to play. It was taught to me by my friend Erin's friend Tim. All you need to play is a camera phone. Or a digital camera. But the inferior quality of pictures from camera phones works better.

First, someone takes a picture of a crack or cleavage without anyone seeing. Then the other person or people have to guess what it is.


What is this?




Okay, lips. That was easy.


What about this?




Or this?




Give up?
It's my dinner napkin.


Now what about this?




You can post your guess in the comment section. The winner gets a prize.

My New Job!!!

I just started a new job this past weekend.

Basically, I'm a bathroom attendant at a club in Washington, DC. Except that I don't moan or stare uncomfortably at people and I don't have any bowls of stale candy or Aqua Net hairspray. Oh no.

Instead, I practice the art of origami.

I know what you may be thinking: This place sounds ridiculously pretentious to have an artiste in the bathroom of all places!

I assure you it isn't. I talk to everyone who comes through the door and offer advice and instruction from makeup reapplication to dance moves.

Here is some of my work:

Miniature Ponies Are Delicious!

Mmmm! Snack-a-licious!



Tast-a-rific! Kind of like cotton candy, only better!



Miniature Ponies are best in the summer. Good news! It's almost that time of the year. I love the Miniature Pony barbeques in my neighborhood--they smell like laughter and sunshine.

Q & A(DD)

I have been taking questions from readers and will begin answering them in a new segment called "Q & A(DD)."

This question comes from Darlene in Colorado Springs, CO:

"Hi Ramshackle Ding-Dong. Thanksgiving is going to be at my house this year and I'm going to make a turkey for the first time. How big of a turkey should I get for ten people? How long do I cook it for? Do you know any good stuffing recipes?"



Hi Darlene. Thanks for your question.

Now, to answer your question, this is what turkeys look like in May.

Guess What Animal Is Good At Jumping?

The peacock!

DIY Mother's Day Gift

Print this page.
Cut out the rectangle.
Write "I Love You, Mom - 2006" on back of rectangle.
Laminate rectangle.

A Mother's Day bookmark, made in less than 5 minutes, kind of tells Mom how special she is.

Brain Activity

Do I Scare You?

Owhhhhh. Uhhhwhhh.

Are You Scared?

Uwhhhh. Owwhhhhh.
Not even a little?

Moan. Moaning...

No, seriously. Did I scare you?

Let's Never Forget This Moment!

So, Do You Want To Kiss?

Male Subway Passenger: Uh...okay.

Me: Tongue or no tongue?

Male: Dry.

Hot Dawg!

This poor dog was born without ears.




Not really...he just had them pulled back (for your benefit) to make himself look not as cute. Because when he wears them down and people look at him they sometimes cry or start wheezing as a reaction to his unnerving charm.


You dig?




Oh brother! There are two of them! I think I'm gonna pass out.